Reviewed by Maxine Golub

Kudos to the New Rochelle Public Library for inviting Fatimah Gilliam to discuss her new book, Race Rules: What Your Black Friends Won’t Tell You. The discussion, held on Saturday, March 23, was moderated by Candace Pinn, a retired teacher, educational consultant, and the President of WABSE, the Westchester Alliance of Black School Educators. Though the rain was flooding our streets that day, the Ossie Davis Theater was nearly full. In her introduction of Ms. Gilliam and her book, Ms. Pinn noted “Every page was like an affirmation for me… because it really speaks to the lived experience of black people in this country and in a lot of places around the world. It also speaks to hope… that we can overcome the original sin.”

Ms. Gilliam is an author, lawyer, consultant, public speaker, and entrepreneur with an impressive resume of educational and career accomplishments.  At the library, she stated that she wrote the book for white people, so that we (speaking as a white person) could have a resource guide on anti-racist behavior, what she calls a “race etiquette” manual. But she is clear that her goal is to help people of color, to affirm their experiences and feelings, and to give them a resource to recommend to white friends to minimize the burden of explaining.

Race Rules is divided into seven parts and 30 chapters. Each chapter focuses on a single “race rule” showing how that particular issue appears in everyday life, and providing questions for self-reflection and tips and advice for self-improvement. The book begins with a review of history and moves on to examine present day issues. It ends with sections on education, communication, accountability, reparations and taking action, aka becoming a racism disruptor.

Many of us would like to think that we are  pretty well versed on the subject of being an anti-racist. But Gilliam’s book puts that notion to shame. In the first chapter of Race Rules, Gilliam shares her “Bedrock Rule #1: choose to disrupt racism every day.” As she confirms in Rule #4: “Silence, Complicity, Complacency or Apathy = White Supremacy.” (p. 45) The book is relentless, with myriad examples of seemingly benign behaviors set out in tables that separate intent from impact and offer constructive alternatives. 

Gilliam asks white folks to  focus more of our energy on impact rather than intent, and her “self-reflection” questions are not for the faint-hearted. For example, in Race Rule #5, titled “White Liberals, Democrats, and Good White People Can be Dangerous Racists,” the questions include: “What is something you did at work that you can admit was racist?… How did your behavior harm a person of color?”  And a little later, “If you don’t know how to solve racism, or where to begin, why don’t you?… How have you grown into an educated, well-functioning adult without this knowledge?”(p. 61) And in case you still don’t get it, each chapter is studded with data, quotations and illustrations to drive the points home. 

One cannot do this book justice in just a few paragraphs or pages. Each reader will find the chapters that capture an experience or a concern that speaks to us. For me, that was Rule #6, “Racism Hurts Whites Too and Causes American Decline.” Gilliam inextricably links the impact of racism to  the United States’ economy and position in the world. She offers the example of our school systems, stating, “We have intentionally blighted schools in our communities of color, and let educational quality decline for everyone.” (p.70) and goes on to explain how this stifles innovation, leading to our country’s lack of competitiveness in the global economy. 

She then moves on to what she calls “White Welfare” in Rule #7 –the unearned opportunities such as the New Deal and the GI Bill that permitted primarily white people to buy homes or go to college, contributing to the ongoing wealth gap between whites and people of color. This section is followed by a table titled “What you may not have learned in history class” starting in the 1500’s through today, (pp. 84-88) moving on to Jim Crow 2.0 or “Jim Crow in New Clothes.” 

In  Parts 3 through 5, Gilliam documents the burdens that  present day concerns place on people of color, the ways in which they perpetuate white supremacy, and as always, the alternatives. Chapters include such topics as False Equivalencies, Karens, Taking a Knee, Microaggressions, and Colorblindness, to name just a few. Her work seems to get inside the thoughts of those who want to ignore the fact that racism exists, offering detailed challenges for each potential excuse. 

Part 6 is a very direct “Dos and Don’ts” for white folks. At the beginning of this section, Gilliam warns, “Approach this journey open to continually learning. Dust yourself off, apologize when you offend, tackle information gaps when revealed, and force yourself to keep going. Don’t succumb to shame. Charge through trepidation. Don’t retreat. The goal is to open your eyes and limit harming people of color by disrupting the racism lurking within you.” (p. 233)  Gilliam’s language is delightfully direct. To paraphrase: Do educate yourself. Don’t expect POC to explain racism to you, and don’t take it personally when they don’t want to. Don’t culturesplain, and don’t turn a conversation about race into a conversation about yourself.  Be sure to read (and re-read) Rule #27 about how to apologize and make amends.

The last section of the book is a call to action – yours! It is an important “how to” on moving beyond being an ally to becoming a racism disruptor. Gilliam focuses on action steps at the  individual, community, and  policy levels. She names housing and schools as the key focus for action, and reminds us that dismantling racism is white people’s responsibility. (“You built it, you break it!”) Finally, she provides an anti-racism action plan, replete with daily action steps and a personal pledge.

While not all of the information presented in Race Rules will be new to those who have spent time learning about racism, it is a valuable format that will capture your attention and push you forward in your thinking and action. It is not an easy read. It is a hefty volume with a lot of  information to process. But that’s ok. At her talk, Gilliam said, “I want people to use this book as a reference tool … sort of like a dictionary …. You want to understand something about microaggressions? Go to that chapter. You offended somebody, need to understand apologies, go to that chapter.”  

I commend Gilliam for writing a powerful book that could have been titled “Tough Love for White People.” I believe that the enormous effort involved in writing such a book, as well as her unflinching candor, are an expression of love and commitment to the betterment of individuals, communities and our country. It is, as Candace Pinn pointed out in her introduction at the library, an expression of hope. Gilliam has given us a useful guide. Now the onus is on us, as white people, to step up, to pay attention, to act.